A LETTER TO LAUREN


Dear Lauren,

So much has happened since you left us.

Your little baby sister Faith is 8 now, she still asks about you and I always tell her that her big sissy loved her very, very much!! That makes her feel so special and she loves you.

Your brother Christopher will be a teenager this year, can you believe it? He has a hard time dealing with your death but he's doing ok. He loves you honey!!

Aunt Dana is a mommy now! Your cousin Asia is 6 months old. We started telling her about you the moment we brought her home. She loves to dance and listen to "your song". Aunt Dana and I talk about how much you would love her and what a great baby-sitter you would be. Aunt Dana and Asia Marie love you.

Uncle Kevin is doing well, he is engaged to be married and has a step-daughter that he has told all about you. Uncle Kevin, Aunt Maryann and Leslie love you.

Mommy has a very nice man in her life and he loves her, Faith, Chris and you very much. His name is Ted and he takes very good care of your family. Guess what? Mommy is going to have a baby in about seven months. You'll have a new brother or sister. Mommy and Ted love you baby.

Jennifer and Jesse are doing well. Jesse will be 15 this year and he is soooo handsome! All the little girls love him. He really misses you. Jennifer and I talk of you often. Jennifer and Jesse love you.

Nanny really misses her "special angel". Faith reminds me of you in so many ways. Nanny finally found happiness in her life. I have someone so special and I love him and you would too. His name is Bill. The last five years have been difficult honey, but through faith in God I've made it through. Nanny and Bill love you sooooo much.

Love always,

Your family







MY VIEW ON GRIEF

Grief knows no color, no race, no age, no religion.

Grief is life altering, permanently life altering!

I'm talking about the depth of grief that can only be experienced with the loss of a child. That grief is deeper and more profound than any other.

I, like so many others have traveled the road of grief. It's been a five year trip for me, a looooong five year trip. I will never "get over it" but I think I have learned how to "live with it", or, as my daughter once said, "live around it". Oh, believe me, it still hurts!! Sometimes it hurts so deep that I can feel the knife ripping at my heart, tearing at it, destroying it.

Other times I am almost at peace, I say almost!!! True peace will only be found when I reach my final destination. I know that I'll never understand the why's of grief, I just have to remember that God has His reasons and that one day they will be revealed to me, or that one day it just won't matter anymore.



A gift from my beautiful friend Beth Hall



A gift from my dear friend Saralyn McAfee Smith



A gift from my special friend Reeny Fitzer



A gift from my good friend Susie Dunn



A gift from my good friend Beth Simmons



A gift from my friend Diane Kayser



A gift from my friend Amanda Bowden



A gift from my friend Shirley Baer



A gift from my friend Peggy Rozell




Five Long years

Questions unanswered
unrealized dreams
a life just beginning
shattered it seems.

Cut short in an instant,
snuffed out like a flame,
no reason, no fathom
and no one to blame.

So many hearts broken
the greatest of loss,
we're all bound together
so much was the cost.

Only nine short years passed
from the day of your birth,
five long years now gone by
since your last day on earth.

You're missed as the first day
and always will be,
for now and forever
for all Eternity.

We love you today
more than yesterday past
and tomorrow we'll love you
even more than the last.

Rest peacefully sweet Lauren!!!

See you in heaven!

~Joyce Allman~
03/10/05














Heaven
Los Lonely Boys

Save me from this prison
Lord help me get away
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery
Cause Iíve been lost in my own place
And Iím gettingí weary
How far is heaven
And I know I need to change
My ways of liviní
How far is heaven, Lord can you tell me
Cause Iíve been locked up way too long
In this crazy world, how far is heaven
I just keep on prayiní Lord
Just keep on liviní, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me, how far is heaven
I just got to know how far, how far is heaven
Lord can you tell me
(translated from Spanish)
(You that's in a higher place
Send me down a blessing)
Cause I know thereís a better place
Than this place Iím liviní, how far is heaven
And I just got to have some faith
And just keep on giving, how far is heaven
I just wanna know how far






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Angels For Lauren-Forever-Nine is written and owned by Joyce Allman.
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